Episode 102
Join Us for This Week’s Episode of A Day In Her Life with Lauren Tetenbaum
This week, Ellie sits down with Lauren Tetenbaum, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, upcoming author of Millennial Menopause (out this July!), former lawyer, and mom of two based in New York. Lauren shares how she’s built a meaningful, flexible career while parenting, advocating for women’s mental health, and keeping joy at the center of it all.
What We Discuss:
Slow Starts & Family Mornings: How Lauren structures later mornings to fit her family’s rhythm—and why it works.
Evening Energy: Why her family embraces later nights and how they make the most of that time together.
From Law to Social Work: Lauren’s transition from corporate law to becoming self-employed as a therapist and advocate.
Perinatal to Menopause Advocacy: How her interest in perinatal mental health evolved into a passion for menopause support, leading to her book Millennial Menopause.
Kids & Chores: How she’s introducing responsibility and structure to her children in age-appropriate ways.
Self Care: How label-makers and walks with her dog bring her calm—and how home organization helps her stay grounded.
Fair Play in Action: How Lauren and her husband apply the Fair Play method to divide household responsibilities and mental load.
This episode is packed with relatable insights on career pivots, parenting systems, and building a life that reflects your values.
Subscribe and Review:
Love the show? Subscribe and leave a review to help us reach more women navigating career, motherhood, and personal growth.
Follow Lauren
Preorder her book - Millennial Menopause
Listen and Review
More A Day In Her Life
[[00:01:26] Ellie: All right. Hi, friends. Welcome to today's episode of A Day in Her Life podcast. I am so thrilled for you to be here . And today we're chatting with Lauren Tetenbaum. Lauren. How's it going today?
[00:01:37] Lauren: Hi. I am good. Thank you so much for having me.
[00:01:40] Ellie: Absolutely happy to be here. So let's jump right in. Can you fill us in on who you are, how you fill your days, and what your household looks like?
[00:01:49] Lauren: Right now my household looks messy because I haven't had time to clean up more than the morning breakfast. Which. The dishes are still in the sink, but that's okay. Because I have a busy day ahead and I'm sure many moms and women can relate. I'm a mom myself. I have two kids. They are about nine and six and a half, and I have a puppy and I live with them and my husband in the suburbs of New York City, which is where I grew up.
My other jobs, because we all know that being a parent is a hard, if not the hardest job. My other jobs are as a licensed clinical social worker and a writer and a former lawyer, and all of that means that I like to support and empower women.
[00:02:37] Ellie: That's awesome. I can't wait to hear about your career, career path there.
[00:02:41] Lauren: Thank you.
[00:02:41] Ellie: let's do a quick few quick rapid fires and then we'll jump in your days.
[00:02:45] Lauren: Let's do it.
[00:02:46] Ellie: so Lauren coffee or tea
[00:02:48] Lauren: Coffee.
[00:02:50] Ellie: reading or watching tv.
[00:02:52] Lauren: This is a tough one for me because I absolutely love reading and writing. I also love tv, so I'm just gonna have to say either both.
[00:03:01] Ellie: It's a draw.
[00:03:02] Lauren: Yeah
[00:03:03] Ellie: beach or mountains,
[00:03:05] Lauren: beach for sure.
[00:03:08] Ellie: sweet or savory
[00:03:09] Lauren: Sweet. For sure.
[00:03:12] Ellie: and chocolate or vanilla.
[00:03:14] Lauren: Chocolate.
[00:03:16] Ellie: And then if you could describe your days in three words. Lauren, what would you say?
[00:03:21] Lauren: Busy, fulfilling, and fun.
[00:03:25] Ellie: Awesome. All right, well, let's hear about those busy, fulfilling and fun days. So
[00:03:29] Lauren: Yeah.
[00:03:29] Ellie: starting with your mornings, what time do you wake up? What do you do for breakfast, and how do you get your kids ready for the day and then
[00:03:37] Lauren: Mm-hmm.
[00:03:38] Ellie: for the day?
[00:03:39] Lauren: So I am a solo parent in the morning because of my husband's work schedule. He's out of the house. Before 6:00 AM and I we're all night owls, despite the fact that he has to wake up early, so we maximize our sleep, which means that I set my alarm for seven and I admit that I snooze it until seven 30.
And I, it's funny because my husband, when we were dating, taught me the snooze button. I didn't know. About it. And he, you know, set me up for life for better or worse. But ICE news till seven 30, we are very fortunate to literally live right across the street from my kids' elementary school so we can walk slash run when we need to.
They say that, and it's true that the closer you live, the later you are because you think you have so much. You know, you don't need so much time to get there. And yet we all know it's so hard to get out in the, in the mornings. So, yeah, I get up and will snooze and then I start getting both my kids up.
My son is more easygoing in the mornings. He picks out his own clothes, although he always wants to wear shorts even in the winter, so I have to remind him. Mm-hmm. And I believe you've said that your daughter is a little pickier with her clothes and so is mine. So, and I love it 'cause she's like, it's my choice, it's my body.
And I'm like, you go girl. And we have to get to school. So, you know, pick out your, make your choices, right.
[00:05:10] Ellie: Yep.
[00:05:11] Lauren: So we got, we do all that. I am not great about breakfast. I'm usually picking, you know, their. From their cereal bowls or what have you, and having some fruit and definitely my coffee while they have their breakfast and we get to school.
Hopefully I bring the puppy along for a walk. I like to start my work at nine 15 so that I have about half an hour to take the dog for a longer walk get and. Trent, a sized iced coffee from our local Starbucks, and then sit down and get to speaking with clients which I mostly see virtually. So I work from home.
[00:05:53] Ellie: Awesome.
[00:05:54] Lauren: Yeah.
[00:05:55] Ellie: What time do you have to get the kids to school? Exactly. Roughly?
[00:05:59] Lauren: 8 35 to 8 39. They give a four minute window.
[00:06:05] Ellie: Awesome. And then you take a walk and catch up before nine 15. It's
[00:06:09] Lauren: Yeah.
[00:06:10] Ellie: to have that time between drop off and starting your day. I didn't have that for the longest time and now that I dropped my kids slightly earlier, it
[00:06:19] Lauren: Mm.
[00:06:19] Ellie: my days for me. So I can absolutely relate to that.
[00:06:23] Lauren: I agree. I mean, in full disclosure, especially in the winter, I would go, no bra, huge coat. You know, barely brushed hair. Drop them off, then come home and get myself looking a little more presentable.
[00:06:39] Ellie: I also can relate to that. I'm sure. I recently, I had a conference. Usually I show up to school in my workout clothes to drop the kids and then I'll change afterwards. But I had a conference, so I had to drop the kids, like fully ready. Two different parents and teachers commented to me when I was dropping my kids off both days, and I was like, do I really look that bad every day?
[00:07:00] Lauren: No,
[00:07:00] Ellie: Whatever. It's fine.
[00:07:02] Lauren: it is fine. We're all in this together.
[00:07:06] Ellie: So you get settled around nine 15. How do you tend to structure your days? Or how do you, do you have a, a method that Mondays are typically this type of day? Tuesdays are typically this type of day. What does that look like for you?
[00:07:18] Lauren: Sure. So I'm very fortunate at this stage in my career that I am. Self-employed. I work for myself. I make my own schedule, and I genuinely love what I do. That being said, being a therapist and working in 45 minute blocks in which you're focused. You can't multitask. Right. And nor do I want to, but it actually creates a very structured, kind of tight schedule which can be good.
And sometimes it creates a very busy day where every minute is accounted for. I usually like to schedule my sessions with my clients who are primarily women in their twenties, thirties and forties. I usually do 45 minutes and I'll leave a 15 minute gap in between sessions for some flexibility. If someone's running late needs to change for me to, you know, grab some food, whatever it is, and my days, I tend to front load and work.
With many clients and late on Mondays so that I start the week off with that mindset of back to work. After a weekend working late I usually have dinner with my kids or finish up their evening activities, whether it's little league or what have you. And then I'll log back in and my husband will do the bedtime routine.
And then as the week goes on, I'll sort of taper off and have fewer client meetings and more kind of networking calls or podcast recordings, things like that. Over the past year, I have been writing my book, which is Millennial Menopause, preparing for Perimenopause, menopause, and Life's Next Period. It will be out in July, and that the year that I spent writing it definitely added to my days, and that involved a lot of early morning wake up and weekend times spent on writing and researching.
[00:09:16] Ellie: Awesome.
[00:09:17] Lauren: Yeah.
[00:09:18] Ellie: do you typically wrap? Wrap up in a day.
[00:09:21] Lauren: So unless it's typically Monday when I kind of log back in and see some clients who work in industries like finance because they need to meet in the evenings, unless it's Monday my day. Often ends, my workday often ends by about four o'clock because that's when my kids are done with their afterschool program at the school and then need to go elsewhere.
I am very fortunate we have a babysitter who helps in the afternoons, but with two kids. You still need, you know, two sets of hands, two cars. And I am again, very fortunate that I live in a community where parents are constantly helping each other out doing carpools. But more or less, I need to and am available around 4:00 PM.
[00:10:11] Ellie: Awesome. And then what, how have you structured activities for your kids? It sounds like they have an afterschool at school, which is convenient, and then I'm guessing there are some extracurriculars. What is, how have you structured or approached that for your family?
[00:10:25] Lauren: There are a lot of activities. My son is my third grader and he is very into, I would say, sports and stem, and he now can walk. Home alone from school, which is super easy because I don't have to get him if he doesn't have that afterschool club at the school. My daughter's super into art and dance.
She's a little more theatrical and she's very silly and funny, and she, they both have a lot of activities that are within our town or the next town over. Some might say they're over-scheduled. I, I think that a lot of. Kids these days can be overscheduled for my family, I love having the activities because I think that they're easier in terms of planning on the structure than a play date, which is also wonderful, but it's just easier to have an actual activity with a counselor or a teacher.
And my kids read and do a lot of quiet time at home, but I think it's better for them. Specifically that they're out of the house doing these activities. And sometimes, especially as my kids are getting older, they go really late. Little league, for example, now in the spring goes till seven 30, or my son will have back basketball practice until about seven 30.
So every kind of new semester is an adjustment in our schedules.
[00:11:53] Ellie: I 1000% relate to that statement about the semesters being an adjustment. I, we've never done Little League. That's real little league and so we're doing Little League this year. We have one week, I think I've said this before, we have one week that is four games in one week. And I was like, did I sign up for club hockey or did I sign up for town baseball?
Like
[00:12:15] Lauren: I know,
[00:12:16] Ellie: A lot more than I thought I signed up for, but
[00:12:20] Lauren: know.
[00:12:21] Ellie: it. I'm kind of hoping he doesn't, but we'll see.
[00:12:24] Lauren: I totally, totally get it. I think kids, it's a little too competitive, in my opinion, at too young of an age, and I think sports and all activities should just be fun and learning about teamwork, et cetera. But the moment it's stressful for anyone, I think we've gotten a little too far.
[00:12:45] Ellie: Yeah, I want them to be kids and
[00:12:47] Lauren: Yeah.
[00:12:48] Ellie: things. So typically, what does the early evening and dinner time look like in your household?
[00:12:55] Lauren: Well, in an ideal world, my kids will come home after their activities have a little wind down time, whether it's. Drawing for my daughter watching tv. We're big fans of Nickelodeon shows like Henry Danger or things like that. My son is newly into the Marvel series, which I love, so that's been really fun to watch the Avengers movies with him.
And in general, my husband and I are of the mindset that if it's. A show or a movie with an actual plot versus a, you know, YouTube video, frankly. And it's age appropriate. You can watch it for a little bit so they'll wind down. And then we do homework. That is my goal, to do homework before dinner and then have dinner together as a family.
Hopefully both parents are around. If one of us has a work or a social thing. Hopefully one parent will be with the kids and then get upstairs, shower, get into bed, do the reading and the bedtime routine. I will admit that we are a very late household, like I said, and when I say late household, I mean late, and I, I'm a little reluctant to even share what time my son goes to bed.
But I will say that if my. Daughter is sleeping by nine 30. That is a win. Some people are shocked by that, but do as I say, not as I do.
[00:14:24] Ellie: And what time is dinner typically? You mentioned your son might have activities until seven 30. Does
[00:14:29] Lauren: Yeah,
[00:14:29] Ellie: mean a later dinner or do you do dinner separately? What does that look like?
[00:14:34] Lauren: so usually we eat around seven, which is typically when my husband gets home from work, he commutes to New York City. But if there are conflicts like my son's activities, we'll either eat later or we'll, we will eat separately. And I think dinner as a family is such a beautiful goal. It's not possible for my own family every night.
Certainly. So we do the best that we can,
[00:14:59] Ellie: Absolutely. And it makes sense that your family's a later family too. If your husband doesn't get home till seven, like it gives you guys the opportunity to actually like, have time together too.
[00:15:08] Lauren: right?
[00:15:10] Ellie: when are you the primary cook or how do you cooking in your house?
[00:15:16] Lauren: I don't cook at all. I can make scrambled eggs. That's about it. So my husband enjoys cooking. The only negative to that is that of course if he's getting home at seven and then starting to cook dinner, it, it delays everything. So hopefully he'll, you know, he'll make, last night he made these really good chicken nuggets.
He'll make steak. They don't take that long, but it does add times. So if we try to plan ahead, that's ideal. And, you know, maybe it's leftovers or he frozen or whatever it is. We love our local diner. We pick up from there all the time. Not gonna lie. My son is also such a huge fan of mini hotdog and the Dr.
Prager. Yeah.
[00:16:03] Ellie: Yeah, so mini hot dogs, like my kids loved hot dogs, and then I bought mini hotdog, and they just like, it's crack. And I'm like, short, just keep eating the mini hotdog. It's like eating one full hot dog.
[00:16:14] Lauren: I agree. And thankfully my kids also happen to love fruits and vegetables, so I'm like, yeah, take whatever frozen, you know, meats, and then we'll add the veggies, and I think that's a win.
[00:16:26] Ellie: they'll be fine eventually. Speaking of bedtime, so once your kids are in their rooms for bed or, or actually question,
[00:16:35] Lauren: Hmm.
[00:16:36] Ellie: your kids in their rooms and your hands off? And then what does the rest of your evening look like?
[00:16:42] Lauren: So let's go with the nine 30, 'cause that's probably an average on a good day. Are kids. Do like us to stay with them until they fall asleep, which I have mixed feelings on, and I usually land on the fact that they're not gonna want this forever. So we try to set limits like I'll stay for 10 more minutes, or my daughter likes to listen to these.
Podcasts that are basically sleep meditations for kids. So we'll say, you know, one more and we'll leave when it ends, but usually she does fall asleep, or my son, it's one more chapter and then he'll go to bed. Once we're hands off. I do love getting into my own bed. I love my bed and I'm either reading or watching TV and I.
Get that second win no matter how hard I try because I, again, love sleep and think sleep is so important. No sleep is so important. But there definitely is a little bit of that revenge, bedtime procrastination that a lot of parents go through, which is like, I'm finally alone and I just wanna do me time things.
[00:18:00] Ellie: I can absolutely relate to that. I was traveling
[00:18:03] Lauren: Yeah.
[00:18:03] Ellie: week and I was so tired, but I was like, I'm alone in a hotel room. I should be reading and enjoying myself
[00:18:08] Lauren: It's nice.
[00:18:10] Ellie: than I thought I should.
[00:18:11] Lauren: Yeah.
[00:18:13] Ellie: what are you reading right now? You mentioned you're reading.
[00:18:16] Lauren: I am reading the new novel from Jennifer Weiner. It's the Griffin Sister's Greatest Hits. I love a millennial pop theme, very into that. That was my, you know, era. The girl bands, boy bands, all, all the things. And she is a great novelist who talks a lot about female centered relationships, sisters, and. Often has the main characters as sort of not your stereotypical beautiful, you know, not that there's anything wrong with that, but she, she lends a lot of depth to her main characters, which I appreciate.
[00:18:54] Ellie: I really enjoy her books. I've read
[00:18:56] Lauren: Yeah,
[00:18:56] Ellie: them, but I haven't read that one yet. So I'll have to have to take listen, 'cause I do a lot of audio books.
[00:19:01] Lauren: I know. I want all your Rex for the romance stuff.
[00:19:05] Ellie: my gosh, I, because I've been alone, I, the plane that I was on yesterday had no wifi
[00:19:11] Lauren: Oh,
[00:19:12] Ellie: had like all these things to do and then my wi there was no wifi and I was like, well, I guess I get to read for four hours.
[00:19:17] Lauren: Oh, what a gift. Yeah.
[00:19:20] Ellie: I basically finished another book on the plane. I think I read three or four books in the last, like three days because I had two, two hour drives. So,
[00:19:28] Lauren: Nice.
[00:19:29] Ellie: I just read PS I Love You. Have
[00:19:30] Lauren: Uhhuh. No, it's on my list.
[00:19:33] Ellie: That it was really
[00:19:34] Lauren: Okay. Another.
[00:19:36] Ellie: for some there's some like sibling death, so it's a little heavier, but it's, I found it extremely charming.
[00:19:42] Lauren: Oh good. Yeah, I'll check it out. Another, the book I read just prior is written by a friend of mine Jackie Freeland wrote Counting Backwards, and it's an amazing novel. It takes, it's about two different women in two different timelines, but it ties it all together with their reproductive rights and immigration and everything that I care about.
Sounds is a really good book.
[00:20:04] Ellie: Awesome. I'll have
[00:20:05] Lauren: Yeah,
[00:20:06] Ellie: You mentioned you get in bed and you try to to get to sleep, when to preserve a lot of sleep. What time do you actually go to bed? And do you have any like routines before bed?
[00:20:20] Lauren: the routine part is the usual, you know, skincare, brushed teeth, whatever. I do like to get in bed. By 10 30 and hopefully be asleep by 1130. And so I will make myself, you know, put down the remote or the book I like to read as the last thing I'm doing before bed. And if I'm feeling a little wired still, I'll also do a sleep meditation podcast.
[00:20:51] Ellie: Awesome.
[00:20:52] Lauren: Yeah.
[00:20:53] Ellie: Curious how you, you, you've got a lot of different career slices from your overview, so lawyer, social worker author. Can you tell us kind of how, take us on that journey,
[00:21:07] Lauren: sure.
[00:21:08] Ellie: that picture for us.
[00:21:09] Lauren: Yeah, and you know, certainly my day to day looked different with, with each role, but I always wanted to help women. I was always very passionate about making the world a better place for women, and I went straight from college to law school to do that. My very first year of law school, I felt like something was missing.
So I also pursued my master's in social work and completed both degrees in four years. Over a decade ago, and then I worked in the legal industry for a decade. I was an immigration lawyer. I worked with a lot of women who were fleeing from violent situations at home or violent countries, getting them refugee status or orders of protection, as well as corporate immigration visas for employees and.
When I became a mom, I realized that I needed a little more flexibility. As many of your listeners or you might know, when you're a lawyer in big law, you count your minutes basically, and that is very stressful, especially when you have a lot going on at home. Pulling you in a lot of different directions and I decided ultimately to focus on maternal mental health and be in my own practice as a therapist because I wanted my autonomy.
Really more importantly, I wanted to provide the support that I wish I had had as a young woman in the corporate world as a new mom in the corporate world, in the world in general. And I'm really privileged to be able to do that now. And like I said, be on my own schedule, which is, is a gift. And I try to help women advocate for getting the flexibility that they need in whatever job that they're in.
[00:23:01] Ellie: Awesome. And then how did you get the idea to write a book or kind of what led you to authoring a book?
[00:23:08] Lauren: Yeah, so I. Like I said, have always been passionate about reproductive mental health, and I had a really big focus on perinatal mental health and thinking about fertility and the postpartum period. And about a year ago, I realized I. That I knew nothing about the next phase, which of course was menopause, but I didn't know when that was going to happen.
I didn't know exactly what that meant, and I started learning and talking to doctors and experts and founders in this space, and I wrote an article about it for a blog called Mama Beasts, and then it. Turned into an opportunity to write a book for my generation millennials, and here we are. I interviewed over four dozen experts.
I wrote down every question I had and every answer I learned, and it's been an incredible experience. I just turned 40. So I feel very ready for this next phase, and whether menopause for me is in 10 years or, or closer or later. I feel ready and I am ready to help the women around me, my peers, friends, and clients feel ready, not scared, but empowered and in community.
[00:24:23] Ellie: That's awesome. It's
[00:24:24] Lauren: Thank you.
[00:24:25] Ellie: coming up in. Has a topic of conversation in my mom's groups, so, I, I definitely feel like there's a lot to learn, so I'm excited for, for your book to come out.
[00:24:34] Lauren: We could do a book club.
[00:24:35] Ellie: Yeah. Of how you divide household tasks or how have you structured the household responsibilities in your household, either you, your husband, or outsourcing, what does that look like?
[00:24:50] Lauren: I think about this a lot, and I talk about this a lot. I work closely with Eve Rodsky and the Fair Play Policy Institute, and I implement the Fair Play Method with my clients. And in my own household and in general, the guiding principle of domestic and caregiving labor should be equitable, is kind of our, our ethos in our household.
That being said, there are some sort of typical gendered. Things that we do just because of our schedules or our preferences and talents. My husband does do most of the finance organization. I do most of the kids scheduling and kind of buying birthday gifts for their friends, things like that. And because I primarily work from home, I am more available for after school stuff, but my husband is a very.
Involved feminist guy. I wouldn't have married him if he weren't. And he is very involved on the weekends with the kids' activities. He's, he's a coach, he's the carpool guy. He is always on duty for certain activities that we intentionally communicated about. And like I said, he cooks. He also is. More of a deep cleaner.
He's like very into that. So I do the kind of basic cleaning and we also outsource that as well. I enjoy the laundry. He prefers the dishes. So we talk about things like that. And I. Things like that also change with time, right. Or with schedule shifts, or if I am traveling for work or he is, you know, you have to adjust.
But having a, we put everything on a Google calendar and, you know, send each other invites, whether it's the birthday party or recital or you know, even the, the regular afterschool stuff. That's a big help. And. Again, just intentionally communicating. We usually do sit down every Sunday and look at the week ahead together.
[00:26:53] Ellie: It's crazy to think of all the logistics
[00:26:55] Lauren: Mm-hmm.
[00:26:55] Ellie: we have to navigate as families. Like it truly is like a COO role
[00:27:02] Lauren: Yes.
[00:27:02] Ellie: making sure everything happens.
[00:27:04] Lauren: I know and, and we rely again on community today. For example, I, this just reminded me of it, I have to ask my daughter's friends' parents for a favor to drop her off after her activity because of the way it worked out. So I'm always happy to return those favors and I'm not shy about asking for them.
And that's what, you know, the village is all about.
[00:27:29] Ellie: Absolutely. I've felt that a lot this week. 'cause I was traveling and it was school vacation week and, which is
[00:27:37] Lauren: A mishmash,
[00:27:38] Ellie: ca Yeah, we have camp available, but the camp only goes till three 30
[00:27:42] Lauren: of course.
[00:27:43] Ellie: have school or camp on Monday and my husband did not have the day off and so we ended up, my son spent time with two different families.
[00:27:53] Lauren: Yeah,
[00:27:53] Ellie: things and I was like, I've got you next time when my husband's not solo
[00:27:57] Lauren: exactly.
[00:27:57] Ellie: I promise I've got you. But it's, it's definitely worth it to have the village and makes parenting a lot easier when you have those,
[00:28:05] Lauren: Yeah,
[00:28:06] Ellie: people you can rely on
[00:28:08] Lauren: you need it. We all need it. And I encourage a lot of my clients often that don't be shy to ask for it. Right. You'll, you will return the favor and it's impossible without it.
[00:28:19] Ellie: completely. Lauren, what do you do in the day for yourself? What do you classify as self-care or things that are important to, for you to
[00:28:29] Lauren: Decon breath.
[00:28:30] Ellie: time on yourself?
[00:28:32] Lauren: You're not gonna be surprised. I love to sleep. I love to hang out in my bed and maybe watch a little silly or ya show. Or reality show. Those are my guilty pleasures and or read books of those genres too. I enjoy being outside. I'm not such an athlete, so I, I do exercise for my mental health and sanity and all of the things and strength training.
I'm now very into having learned about its importance for menopause and perimenopause. But I will say probably my dream of having time alone, it's just taking a walk on a nice day outdoors, and I think that that's so key and just. I said earlier that my days are fun, and they are, because even when I'm working, I first of all love what I do and really get a lot of joy from connecting with other women as their therapist, a colleague, whatever it is.
I also make sure to find joy in very small things, and I have fun with it. I think I've learned over my 40 years to try not to take life so seriously and to find levity in things, and even if it's a quote unquote unproductive day of just, you know, lounging at home. There's joy in that and there's also joy in a busy day, and I try to have as much balance as possible.
[00:29:59] Ellie: Awesome. I love that. And it's, now that it, the weather's nice. I feel
[00:30:02] Lauren: Yes.
[00:30:03] Ellie: much easier.
[00:30:04] Lauren: So much easier. Yeah, if we had recorded in the winter, I wouldn't have even mentioned outside honestly. But I love, I love the springtime and you know, hopefully getting in a walk with a friend or an exercise class, something with a friend is always a really nice bonus too.
[00:30:22] Ellie: Absolutely. And you mentioned strength training. I, I mentioned my mom's group. This is the topic. We often joke that we're lifting ourselves out of the the nursing home.
[00:30:31] Lauren: Yes,
[00:30:32] Ellie: training,
[00:30:33] Lauren: but that's true and that's awesome. I'm so happy to hear that this is a, a hot topic, so to speak, and that you guys really are on your way to optimizing your health.
[00:30:44] Ellie: we, we hold each other accountable, which is
[00:30:46] Lauren: Exactly. Yeah.
[00:30:49] Ellie: Thinking of organization, you mentioned a Google Calendar. Are there other organizational tools you use for your family or for your, your work that you couldn't live without?
[00:31:00] Lauren: I love labels. I think it is so satisfying to use my little labor label maker and I. The main places that I have it, that maybe one would not think to put labels is in the fridge, in the pantry, and my son's closet. So he, like I said, he's, he's about nine. He will get himself dressed, but it's just easier for him visually to see, you know, the gray shirts are here, the blue pants are there, whatever.
It's. So I try to label it and it does make it easier both for him and then for whomever is putting away the laundry, which will be him soon. That's something that we're working on. In the fridge and the pantry. It just makes me feel like things are in the right place. We can see easily, oh, we're running out of strawberries.
Like what do we, you know, and I'm not that specific that it says strawberries, but it'll say fruit or berries. And I just, it, it helps me feel calm. I, I will admit when you ask, you know, what I do during me time, one of the things that I would do, which I didn't say, 'cause I. Sounds a little nutty, but now I'll say it is organize things.
So whether it's my kids' pile of arch or cleaning out their closet and, you know, getting rid of the clothes that they've outgrown, I, I find a lot of satisfaction in that. So I, I would do that on my day off, so to speak.
[00:32:29] Ellie: I love that. I feel like there's, there's, it brings sparks joy to
[00:32:33] Lauren: It does.
[00:32:33] Ellie: so why not?
[00:32:35] Lauren: I know. I was like, oh, do I admit this? But yeah, that's, I'm, I'm real. That's me. I like to organize things.
[00:32:43] Ellie: I love it. I go in fits and spurts, so, and when I'm in a spurt, you better
[00:32:48] Lauren: Right. Steer clear. That's why I say, I said my husband, you know, oh, we have some free time. Like, what would you like to do? And I'm like, leave me alone in the kids' closets.
[00:32:57] Ellie: Yeah. Take the kids and go. And I'll see you in an hour and a half.
[00:33:00] Lauren: Truly.
[00:33:01] Ellie: You mentioned your son putting away laundry. Curious with your kids and their ages, how have you approached chores
[00:33:08] Lauren: Mm-hmm.
[00:33:09] Ellie: have you approached that yet? And what does that look like in your house?
[00:33:12] Lauren: So we got our puppy about a, a little over a year ago, and I think getting her, when the kids were in second grade and kindergarten was a really good age for them to learn about cleaning up after themselves and how it is. Dangerous to leave out a Lego or you're half eaten, you know, chocolate ice cream or whatever because the dog can get into it and get, can get really hurt.
And I'm really proud of my kids for taking that in stride. And now they're really good about putting away their dirty dishes, even if it's bringing it to the sink, you know, I'll take it. Putting away their toys or at least, you know, making them into a pile. Things that are age appropriate. Cleaning up their desks, putting away their shoes when they walk in the door.
They used to just leave them, you know, everywhere. And we've all tripped on them and now it's put them in the little cubby. It's not that hard. So we, we talk about it a lot. We give a lot of, you know, positive reinforcement and just say, thank you for doing that. My son, the other night I was cleaning the kitchen and you know, I was involving him, like put the ketchup there in the fridge where it says condiments, you see the labels.
So just showing them modeling for them that these are things that have to get done to keep the household running, I think is really important. And for my family in particular, showing them too, that dad is very much an equal partner in this is. You know, huge for us and something of value that we want to instill in our kids.
Always.
[00:34:46] Ellie: Absolutely. I can absolutely appreciate that.
[00:34:49] Lauren: Yeah.
[00:34:50] Ellie: Lauren, when you think about creativity, how would you say you express creativity in your days?
[00:34:56] Lauren: By writing. I've always been a writer, I've always been a reader and I have journals from when I was a kid or Word documents that I would just type, you know, stories and ideas and I. Became a therapist in private practice, and that was my job. But once I was able to leave the corporate world, I also started writing freelance and for blogs, for local magazines because it really brought me joy to be creative in that way.
And then this book opportunity came along and it's been such a cool experience because I got to express my creativity in a really meaningful way that I hope helps a lot of people.
[00:35:42] Ellie: Absolutely. Thinking about your friends and relationships, how do you make time for your relationships with your friends in a given week or month? What does that look like? What does that cadence look like? What are the ways that you stay connected with friends?
[00:35:57] Lauren: So this is something I've been thinking about a lot because I've had a particularly busy year, work-wise, with the book and promoting my book and going to different networking events, and lately I have been very boundaried about grabbing dinner or lunch and instead I'm like, I have this work event, or I wanna go support another author, or I'm doing a community service initiative.
Come with me and I try to bring them into those things that I'm doing professionally. But I also very much enjoy because it's hard for me at this present moment to, you know, go out for lunch with the girls on any given day. So I'm boundaried at the moment with that. Of course, I'm still in touch with them.
You know, whether it's going for a quick walk with the dogs or running errands with a friend. I mean, I think you have to build that in however you can. I think everything is a season and I don't intend for me to, you know, never have dinner with my girlfriends again. I certainly love doing that, but for me personally, I knew that this season of work.
Was going to take up a lot of my time. And when I wasn't doing work related things, I wanted to be present with my kids. And so, it's just been a little bit different than, than it usually is, but I do think that just connecting with other women in, in whatever capacity is a non-negotiable.
[00:37:28] Ellie: Absolutely. Do you stay connected using. Like group chats or do you use any other apps or tools? I know a bunch of people have mentioned Marco Polo. Just curious if you have any other tools that you use there.
[00:37:40] Lauren: I don't know Marco Polo, so I don't know if I am. Not cool, but just, yeah, I, the, the old group chat. One thing that I've come to love with friends that are not in my day to day, so maybe friends I grew up with or, you know, have moved, we're not living in the same place, is the voice notes because it's really easy to tell a story, you know, a longer kind of version.
Instead of typing it out, or maybe you can't connect on a phone call because of timing, but you can still have a conversation. So I think voice notes are, are fun. But yeah, pretty much the, the group text or regular texts.
[00:38:21] Ellie: I was not hipped, Marco Polo either. And I sent it to one
[00:38:23] Lauren: Thanks.
[00:38:24] Ellie: like, are the young kids doing this? And I was like, actually, it's more. Women who are older than me or like, who are try, like, trying to connect in a different way, not older than me. I'd say that the wrong way. But like, it, it's not the, it's not like TikTok 'cause I
[00:38:36] Lauren: Okay. Same.
[00:38:39] Ellie: I still, I was like, I can't the too many things, but you can send video notes basically back and forth. So it's very similar
[00:38:45] Lauren: Huh?
[00:38:46] Ellie: a voice note function, but a video note.
[00:38:48] Lauren: Hmm.
[00:38:48] Ellie: it's been, I've, I'm experimenting with it. I'm dabbling, if you will.
[00:38:54] Lauren: Interesting.
[00:38:55] Ellie: But you have to get your friend on it, which is different than like a voice note.
And so that's
[00:38:58] Lauren: Uh,
[00:38:59] Ellie: that's the boundary that I've found.
[00:39:01] Lauren: okay. Keep me posted.
[00:39:03] Ellie: Yeah, I will see if it is incorporated in my day to day,
[00:39:06] Lauren: Hmm.
[00:39:06] Ellie: enough. Similarly, how do you make time for your relationship with your husband? Do you have certain rituals or routines that you guys try to do? What, what are ways that you stay connected there?
[00:39:16] Lauren: I, it's such a great question because we often can lose sight of the work that goes into maintaining a relationship, a partnership, and I, I do this kind of reflection a lot with my clients. A lot of times my husband and I are tag teaming, right? I'll be home with the kids because you have a work event or you're taking one of the kids out.
I'm here with them, whatever it is. And so I think that we do really try to, and there's room for improvement, but we do really try to say, okay, well we haven't, you know, had dinner, the four of us or the two of us, all. Often enough this week to the extent that we would like, so let's make sure that we do that.
We were just away together, just the two of us for a couple nights, and that was really special. And I think we're very fortunate that we have both sets of grandparents who are always happy to help out and that's again, something that we don't take for granted, but is. A game changer because getting that alone time and not having to worry about the schedules is a beautiful thing.
[00:40:26] Ellie: Yeah, I absolutely. Do you have, how have you approached babysitters in your house? It sounds like you have some family nearby, but do you, it sounds like you have a regular babysitter. How have you found babysitters? Do you have any tips for anyone on that?
[00:40:40] Lauren: Yeah, I think finding. Good childcare can be really tricky and it's, it's not always easy, but we do have a regular babysitter during the week and then I sort of, we have a kind of rotating list of weekend night babysitters for when we do go out. And those often change because there are maybe high school kids who move on, or college kids who are home and then back at school or.
Whatever it is. So the main ways I've found the weekend babysitters are through neighbors. So they're my actual neighbors in, in the community. There's two teenage boys on my block that are awesome babysitters that we love, love, love using. I, using is like a weird term, but working with you know, and they're sort of family friends now, but they're, they're great.
My kids love them. And also my kids, those activities that I mentioned sometimes the counselor or teacher is willing to do babysitting on the side. So that's a really good way to meet people who are also vetted, you know, by the school or whatever it is. And also maybe they are really good at, at art or whatever, so they, they know your kids already a little bit, which is a nice bonus.
But I think. Leaning into your community and asking for referrals from your friends, your friends, caregivers, et cetera, is usually the way to go.
[00:42:04] Ellie: Absolutely. Speaking about outsourcing, you mentioned, cleaning. You
[00:42:10] Lauren: Yeah. Mm-hmm.
[00:42:12] Ellie: is often around. Are there any other things that you have chosen to outsource in your, in your family?
[00:42:18] Lauren: Cleaning's the big one. So that's kind of it, I think. Laundry I don't mind doing. I would say that. Like cleaning the bathrooms and things like that. I, we do outsource and I mean dinner. Right. Because I would say ordering in or doing takeaway is somewhat outsourcing, so that is something that I personally like.
I don't care to learn how to cook personally. It's like so much work. There's so much. Cleaning and mental load and everything. So I am happy to outsource it, whether it's to my husband or the restaurant or whatever I can do, but certainly not everyone feels that way.
[00:43:06] Ellie: Absolutely. And thinking of a an outsourcing mechanism that is fairly new. Curious how you're using AI in your day-to-day life, to if, if at all, and,
[00:43:17] Lauren: Yeah.
[00:43:17] Ellie: what does that look like for you?
[00:43:19] Lauren: Really interesting question. I am not using it at all. And that could be because as I said, my creativity comes out by writing. So I, I like writing and it could be copy for my website or an article or a book chapter. I want it to be my own words. And personally, I find words come easily to me. I am curious to see where it takes us, because certainly it's, you know, the way of the future, so I've gotta get on board somehow, but I don't u use it yet.
[00:43:52] Ellie: It's definitely, I've been, work in AI now and I've been seeing a lot more of like what's possible
[00:43:57] Lauren: Mm.
[00:43:58] Ellie: it just like blows my mind. I'm like, this is the future. It's like crazy, but really
[00:44:02] Lauren: Or the Terminator.
[00:44:04] Ellie: Yeah, it is really cool.
[00:44:07] Lauren: Yes.
[00:44:08] Ellie: Do you have any monthly or weekly habits that you structure around, like you always do X on Y day or something similar?
[00:44:22] Lauren: Yes. And they're usually around exercise. So for example, I play tennis with three other girlfriends every Friday, the same instructor for the past three years, and it's. Something that is on my calendar and if I miss it, it's unfortunate and I'll try to get, you know, substitute. But that doesn't usually happen.
It's, it's my standard thing and it's really nice 'cause it's exercise and it's social and it's really rewarding in many ways. And similarly, I try on Wednesday mornings, my dear friend Tara Assessment is a yoga instructor and she teaches classes Wednesday morning. So I try to attend those and have it blocked out on my calendar.
And I think. As you mentioned earlier, having accountability when it comes to exercise and fitness is super helpful, and it's also fun and social to be able to catch up with your friends while you're, you know, it's a win-win. So I, I certainly try to plan around those kinds of things.
[00:45:23] Ellie: How do you, or how did you get into playing or, one thing that came up in a conversation is, is kind of how are people playing tennis? 'cause a bunch of guests have mentioned it, and so how have you gotten into playing tennis or how did you schedule a weekly lesson? What does that look like?
[00:45:40] Lauren: So I moved to the suburbs in Covid, and it was planned. We were so fortunate that we were planning on moving, and then everything in New York City shut down and we said, well, okay, we're moving this week and that summer of 2020. No one was indoors at all. And the tennis courts in, in our town at the high school, at the middle school, we have, you know, recreation departments.
They were available and it just became a way to see people safely be outside, get exercise. My I mentioned earlier, I'm not really athletic. And I had played tennis, you know, at summer camp as a kid. But like I said, I very much preferred reading. I would literally get in trouble for reading books instead of participating in the team sports.
So, you know, it, it got me here, but, so I, I didn't think I was like, good at tennis and I don't know if I still am, but I, I'm good enough. To play for fun and it just sort of came about. We live in a community where there's a recreation department and you can, you know, book a court, book an instructor, and we've just kind of formed this little group.
And Friday mornings that's our time slot and it's, it's really great. I love my, my tennis crew.
[00:46:57] Ellie: I love that I. Got back into tennis this fall and I didn't get in, I wasn't able to sign up for this most recent session, but I can't wait for the summer to,
[00:47:09] Lauren: Yeah.
[00:47:10] Ellie: sign up is actually tonight at
[00:47:11] Lauren: Oh,
[00:47:12] Ellie: and for the, like local town tennis and I, you best believe I have
[00:47:16] Lauren: alarms. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
[00:47:19] Ellie: a time to sign up for something, I will be
[00:47:22] Lauren: Totally.
[00:47:23] Ellie: I'll probably be boarding my flight, but I will be logging in to sign up for tennis.
[00:47:29] Lauren: That's the other thing. And whether it's, you know, perimenopausal brain fog or mom brain or whatever, but I need to write things down and set alarms. I, I put everything in my calendar and do the 10 minute notification because I need it, and that's okay. But that is an organizational tool that really, I, I live by.
[00:47:52] Ellie: I absolutely agree. Lauren, what is a ball that you are letting drop or something that you're conscious about Deprioritizing right now?
[00:48:06] Lauren: So, let me think about how to put this. So I suppose I'm deprioritizing socializing, which sounds. Bad, but it's not that I am in my house not seeing people, it's just that I'm being very intentional with how I'm socializing and I don't wanna take for granted my friendships. But like I said, I am s.
Feeling very busy and don't wanna get burnt out. So I am saying to friends, you know, Hey, I'm going to this event, I think you'd like it. Come with me. Or I have to run and go grocery shopping, wanna take a walk with me. So things like that. But everything is temporary in life and I think that will soon, very soon change.
Just again, the nature of my kids' schedules, et cetera. So I. I wouldn't say I'm deprioritizing. I'm just boundaried with my time.
[00:49:06] Ellie: I can absolutely understand that.
[00:49:08] Lauren: Yeah.
[00:49:11] Ellie: in terms of, this is a busy season for you due to your book,
[00:49:16] Lauren: Yeah.
[00:49:17] Ellie: it comes out in July. Curious if you, what if you'd be willing to share with us what are like the top two things you learned about menopause or what are the two things that you feel like we should. The millennial generations should learn about now to prepare ourselves for that.
[00:49:34] Lauren: absolutely. Yeah, well read the book for all of the tips. But I didn't know, and I think most women don't really know that while the average age of menopause in the US is about 51, the symptoms of perimenopause leading up to it can last. For four to 10 years. And they range from physical symptoms like hot flashes, which a lot of people associate with menopause to psychological symptoms like cognitive decline and depression and anxiety, which as a therapist of course, really resonated with me.
And so just those stats and those facts really hit me as important to know and to learn. And then the idea that you don't have to suffer. You're not going crazy if you're not feeling like yourself. That's something that women tend to Google. I don't feel like myself, what's going on with me, and unfortunately, and I talk about why this is in the book, but our medical system, I.
Has been operating such that women in their thirties or forties who still get regular periods or, or don't, but are young enough, are told, well, you're too young. It's not menopause. You know, here's an SSRI. Or Go have a glass of wine, or you need to de-stress instead of being heard and cared for in the way that they deserve.
So I'm hoping that my book not only enlightens women, but empowers them so that they can advocate for themselves to get the treatment. In whatever form they want.
[00:51:10] Ellie: Absolutely. I love that and I will definitely be getting your book in in
[00:51:14] Lauren: Thank you.
[00:51:15] Ellie: I often wonder what would happen if men got menopause or
[00:51:18] Lauren: It would be a lot different. Mm-hmm.
[00:51:22] Ellie: Yes it would. Lauren, do you have any other hobbies or things that you spark a lot of joy and you make time for in your days that, like, whether it's with your hands or writing or tennis, are there any, anything else that you had mentioned that is a hobby?
[00:51:38] Lauren: I like to make. I'm very sentimental, so I like, I've always made like collages or but digitally not really with, like, glue at, at this point in my life. Or photo albums. So one thing that I enjoy doing, but it is a big endeavor, is I make photo, digital photo albums of my kids' artwork. So that's something, but I, I'm not so crafty.
My husband's actually quite artistic, so we balance each other out that way.
[00:52:09] Ellie: That's awesome. I, I've, how do you do the digital photo albums of their artwork? I'm just curious.
[00:52:14] Lauren: So there are services that do this. I tried one, which I liked, but it was really expensive. And because I am a control freak, I thought, well, I wouldn't have done it this exact way, you know, let me do it my way. So I honestly, and this is a bit nerdy, but I take photos of my kids' artwork and then I throw away.
The pieces which clears clutter. And then I just upload it onto Mix Book. And Mix Book is a really great resource because you can automatically kind of put them in a layout and then tweak it, which is a time saver.
[00:52:48] Ellie: That's awesome. I need to try that. I also, I am ruthless about just throwing it away. Like, unless
[00:52:52] Lauren: I know.
[00:52:53] Ellie: really great, it's, it sparked joy. Thank you.
[00:52:56] Lauren: It's just so much. So this makes me feel like, oh, I saved it and we can remember, but you know, it's outta the house.
[00:53:05] Ellie: Yeah, I absolutely relate to that.
[00:53:07] Lauren: Yeah.
[00:53:08] Ellie: Lauren, what are you obsessed with recently? What sparks the most joy?
[00:53:14] Lauren: I'm obsessed with my book with menopause. My friends joke, oh, you know, everything is menopause perimenopause, but, and it, and it may or may not be, you know, if you're having a tough time psychologically, maybe it is perimenopause if you're certain. A certain age, et cetera, but maybe it's just a really hard time.
There's a lot going on right now in the world, in life and, and maybe you're stressed. My point in my life in the book is to say that whatever it is, you deserve support. I do think though, that it's fascinating to learn about our health at the next stage of our life, and I have really enjoyed. Learning and meeting such amazing doctors and experts in this field, and connecting with like-minded professionals who do wanna make a difference for women.
So I would say that I'm pretty obsessed with women's health in general.
[00:54:08] Ellie: Absolutely. And then. Actually, just curious, you mentioned earlier, and if you don't wanna share this, no need to, you mentioned earlier you were really into perinatal
[00:54:18] Lauren: Mm-hmm.
[00:54:19] Ellie: men or
[00:54:20] Lauren: Perinatal mental health. Yeah.
[00:54:22] Ellie: perinatal mental health. And now as you're, you've changed and you've aged very in interested in menopause.
Was there something in particular that drew you to perinatal mental health originally, or like how did that come to be? Just out of curiosity.
[00:54:37] Lauren: Becoming a mom. Was one of the driving forces. Like I said, I've always been really passionate about women and women's issues in general, and I love my work because I do still work with a lot of women who are not moms, whether they're in their twenties or they're not moms by choice or whatever it is.
So it's not that I only work with moms, but I think that, yeah, I do think that moms in this country are uniquely. Under-resourced in many ways and I just really feel strongly that we are all in community together and it's a privilege to be able to, to support them in any way that I can.
[00:55:22] Ellie: Absolutely. I used to host moms groups in my local area and actually ran into one of the moms today and
[00:55:28] Lauren: So nice.
[00:55:30] Ellie: she told one of her friends that the best thing you can do is get a mom, find a mommy and me group and actually make mom friends. And I was
[00:55:37] Lauren: Yeah.
[00:55:37] Ellie: honored.
[00:55:39] Lauren: That's really beautiful.
[00:55:41] Ellie: but it's so important, so I can absolutely relate to that.
[00:55:44] Lauren: Yeah.
[00:55:45] Ellie: Lauren, where can people learn more about you and follow you and pre-order your book?
[00:55:49] Lauren: Thank you. So the book, millennial Menopause, is available online for pre-order at all. Major booksellers, Amazon Burns, renewable, et cetera, and more info is on my website. Counselor. Counselor, but LAUR for lauren counselor.com. And I am on Instagram as the counselor. And I am doing a lot of book events, mostly in York, Connecticut, California, that I have confirmed.
But I am always happy to do book clubs or drop-ins, virtually in person, whatever. I, I'm really excited for this next chapter.
[00:56:26] Ellie: Awesome. Well, coming up to Boston.
[00:56:28] Lauren: Yeah.
[00:56:29] Ellie: And then Lauren, what is your favorite part of a day in her life?
[00:56:35] Lauren: Being with my family. And I try to put my phone, frankly, in the other rooms so that I'm not distracted by it. And whether that's at dinnertime or bedtime or just lying on the couch, even if we're watching tv and there's that screen just being together. And I, I like physical touch, so snuggling is, is my favorite part.
[00:56:56] Ellie: I love that. Well, Lauren, thank you so much for being a guest on the podcast. It has been so fun to chat with you and hear about your days.
[00:57:02] Lauren: Thank you for having me. Thank you.
